your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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