So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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