Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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