Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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