He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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