We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
