Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
