i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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