Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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