then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
