I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
