I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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