We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
