I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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