Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
