i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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