your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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