This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
