this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...