the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0