dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.