I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
