I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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