I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
