She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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