Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
