Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
