If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
