god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
