My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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