This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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