I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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