this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
