zippers are such a cool invention
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
