I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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