Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
