Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
