Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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