She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
