So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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