do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
