Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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