sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you