The best revenge is premature balding
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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