dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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