I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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