I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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