take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If its not for food we ain't going out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
