Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
