were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
