i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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