I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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