I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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