I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
