She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
