I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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