Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
