Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
