i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
