I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
