took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
