You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
