so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
